Math Joke

[TOP]

A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours. Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure:

"Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine."

A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure:

"But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours."

Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers:

"Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt."

The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers:

"If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!"

[TOP]

When the logician's little son refused again to eat his vegetables for dinner, the father threatened him:

"If you don't eat your vegies, you won't get any ice-cream!"

The son, frightened at the prospect of not having his favorite dessert, quickly finished his vegetables.

What happened next?

After dinner, impressed that his son had eaten all his vegetables, the father sent his son to bed without any ice-cream...

[TOP]

A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.

"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims.

"You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"

"Sorry", the professor interrupts him.

"I had never intended to blow up the plane."

"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"

"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."

"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"

"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."

[TOP]

A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward to the moment the conductor shows up.

Suddenly one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!"

All the mathematicians disappear into one washroom.

The conductor checks the ticket of each engineer and then knocks at the washroom door: "Your ticket, please."

The mathematicians stick the one ticket they have under the door, the conductor checks it and leaves. A few minutes later, when it is safe, the mathematicians come out of the washroom. The engineers are impressed.

When the conference has come to an end, the engineers decide that they are at least as smart as the mathematicians and also buy just one ticket for the whole group. This time the mathematicians have no ticket at all...

Again one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!".

All the engineers rush off to one washroom. One of the mathematicians goes to that washroom, knocks at the door, and says: "Your ticket, please..."

[TOP]

Four friends have been doing really well in their calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over.

They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help."

The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning."

When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing.

The first question - five points out of one hundred - is a simple exercise in integration, and all four finish it within ten minutes.

When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one:

Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?

[nongtum]

ขอแจม...

How to date a Mathie - a self help guide

DO

1.Carry paper at all times. If mathies don't have paper then who knows what they'll write on.
2.Carry a compass and a map. (Need I say more...)
3.Familiarize yourself with the literature influential to molding the mathie's psyche: The Hitchhikers' Guide trilogy ( you can skip the fourth book in the series: the one about love), Monty Python Movies and Star Trek movies and episodes are a plus.
4.Learn some math buzzwords and how they're grouped together. The actual mathematical concepts are irrelevant; the purpose of knowing is to get the mathie's jokes. Here is a starter kit:{whole, natural, rational, irrational, integer}, {complex, imaginary, real, i}, {set, union, subset, intersection}.
5.Try to avoid references to the real world, this will only confuse your mathie.
6.Go to parties, movies and other fun stuff. Mathies aren't nerds, contrary to popular belief.
7.Ask for help with your math courses. This is a prime benefit of dating a mathie. Don't miss out! (However, when being helped never say, "I just want to know how to do it, I don't want to know what it means.")
8.Learn to play bridge. This is probably what the mathie had in mind when s/he asked you if you wanted to be partners.
9.Make sure to inform your mathie that your idea of fine dining is not the Virginia Kettering Cafeteria.
10.Remember where the car is parked; I suggest the method of carrying around a Polaroid and photographing the car in relation to the parking lot.
11.When your mathie invites you to a gathering of other mathies be prepared not to understand a single word that they are saying, even if they use all English words. -- welcome to mathese.

DO NOT

1.Announce "Puns are the lowest form of humor."
2.Go shopping for food, especially without a calculator! The mathie will ensure that you save that indispensable extra 3.33 cents by buying the super jumbo box of baking powder, even if it takes 3.33 hours to figure it out (and 3.33 years to use that much).
3.Go out to dinner with a huge group of people and upon the arrival of the bill ask the mathie to figure out who owes what to whom. Otherwise lots of money will have changed hands, the restaurant will be beginning to close, and you will be further away from solving who owes what to whom than when you began. (In fact to be on the safe side, do not even let the mathie see the bill. You don't need a manual check of the computer's or cash register's arithmetic abilities.)
4.Say, "Well, you are kinda' cute, but I always thought engineers were better looking."
5.Allow the mathie to bring his/her laptop on a date with you. You + mathie = company (fun). You + mathie + laptop = disaster date!
6.Get an E-mail address. If you have one, don't tell the mathie what it is. Otherwise you may never receive a telephone call, letter or card from the mathie ever again. Some how 'I love you' just doesn't have the same resonance on a computer screen.
7.Be impressed with your mathie's knowledge of the Greek alphabet. Probability is that s/he doesn't speak a word of it.
8.Confuse the mathie's vocabulary with your vocabulary. HP does not mean steak sauce to a mathie, chips do not go with fish, nor does reading the news have anything to do with Globe and Mail.
9.Ask a mathie to divide a cake or other non-parallelogram shaped food. Assuredly all the pieces will be exactly even, but you won't want to serve the oddly shaped creations to guests.
10.Ask a mathie, "So what are you going to do with a degree in math?". For some reason, this question tends to annoy them.
11.Expect your mathie to add, subtract, multiply, divide, or count with any speed or accuracy. (If this really bothers you, go out with a nice dependable HP calculator.)

[nongtum]

And they all do it!



Algebraists do it by symbolic manipulation.
Algebraic geometers do it for variety.
Algebraic geometers do it on the cubic three-fold.
Algebraists do it in a ring.
Algebraists do it in fields.
Algebraists do it in groups.
Algebraists do it with multiple roots.
Analysts do it continuously.
Analysts do it smoothly.
Analytic number theorists do it in the critical strip.
Analytic number theorists do it on the critical line.
Applied mathematicians do it by computer simulation.
Banach spacers do it completely.
Bayesians do it with improper priors.
Catastrophe theorists do it falling off part of a sheet.
Chaoticians do it with sensitive dependence
Class field theorists do it by capitulation.
Classical geometers do it on the Euler line.
Classical geometers do it on the nine-point circle.
Combinatorialists do it discretely.
Commutative algebraists do it regularly.
Complex analysts do it between the sheets
Complex analysts do it under a universal cover.
Constructivists do it without excluding the middle.
Decision theorists do it optimally.
Differential analysts do it in a degenerate case.
Functional analysts do it with compact support.
Functional analysts do it with degenerate colonels.
Galois theorists do it in a field.
Game theorists do it by dominance or saddle points.
Geometers do it with involutions.
Graph theorists do it discretely.
Graph theorists do it in four colours.
Group theorists do it simply.
Group theorists do it with the Monster.
Hilbert spacers do it orthogonally.
Large cardinals do it inaccessibly.
Linear programmers do it with nearest neighbors.
Logicians do it by choice.
Logicians do it consistently and completely.
Logicians do it incompletely or inconsistently.
Logicians do it with Jensen's device.
(Logicians do it) or [not (logicians do it)].
Mathematicians do it associatively.
Mathematicians do it by numbers.
Mathematicians do it commutatively.
Mathematicians do it constantly.
Mathematicians do it continuously.
Mathematicians do it discretely.
Mathematicians do it exponentially.
Mathematicians do it forever if they can do one and can do one more.
Mathematicians do it functionally.
Mathematicians do it homologically.
Mathematicians do it in fields.
Mathematicians do it in groups.
Mathematicians do it in imaginary planes.
Mathematicians do it in n dimensions.
Mathematicians do it in numbers.
Mathematicians do it in theory.
Mathematicians do it on smooth contours.
Mathematicians do it over and under the curves.
Mathematicians do it parallel and perpendicular.
Mathematicians do it partially.
Mathematicians do it rationally.
Mathematicians do it reflexively.
Mathematicians do it symmetrically.
Mathematicians do it to prove themselves.
Mathematicians do it to their limits.
Mathematicians do it totally.
Mathematicians do it transcendentally.
Mathematicians do it transitively.
Mathematicians do it variably.
Mathematicians do it with a Minkowski sausage.
Mathematicians do it with imaginary parts.
Mathematicians do it with linear pairs.
Mathematicians do it with Nobel's wife.
Mathematicians do it with odd functions.
Mathematicians do it with prime roots.
Mathematicians do it with relations.
Mathematicians do it with rings.
Mathematicians do it with their real parts.
Mathematicians do it without limit.
Mathematicians do over an open unmeasurable interval.
Mathematicians have to prove they did it.
Mathmaticians do it ad infinitum.
Measure theorists do it almost everywhere.
Measure theorists do it almost nowhere.
Moebius always does it on the same side.
Number theorists do it perfectly.
Number theorists do it rationally.
Number theorists do it in the critical strip.
Pure mathematicians do it rigorously.
Real analysts do it almost everywhere
Real analysts do it uniformly.
Ring theorists do it non-commutatively.
Set theorists do it in a morass.
Set theorists do it with cardinals.
Topologists do it in multiply connected domains
Topologists do it on rubber sheets.
Topos theorists do it pointlessly.

[nongtum]

A ten year old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door.
For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card.
The boy walked in with his report card -- unopened -- laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject of MATH. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.
"Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, "No."
"Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?" "No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?" "Nope," said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front
door and saw that guy they nailed to the 'plus sign,' I just knew they meant business!"

[nongtum]

A dutchman told me 1 was the first prime. So we went to check.
In the van Dale dictionary (the dutch version of Websters) we found:
"A prime number is a number that is only divisible by itself."
Apparently we only have one prime number in the netherlands....

[nongtum]

ชุดสุดท้ายสำหรับรอบนี้ครับ ยังมีอีกเยอะ ตามไปดูได้ที่นี่ครับ (in English and German) :P

In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.

Mermaid mathematicians wear algaebras.

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].

A mathematican, standing puzzled at the Xerox machine and complaining to the secretary (?) woman:
"I set it to 'Single Sided Copy', and now it comes out as a Moebius Strip!"

[TOP]

Suppose a mathematician parks his car, locks it with his key and walks away. After walking about 50 metres the mathematician realizes that he has dropped his key somewhere along the way. What does he do?

If he is an applied mathematician he walks back to the car along the path he has previously travelled looking for his key.

If he is a pure mathematician he walks to the other end of the parking lot where there is better light and looks for his key there.

[TOP]

ข้อความเดิมเขียนโดยคุณ <คิดด้วยคน>

Hard-ly obvious

G.H. Hardy was giving a lecture, and reached a point at which he announced that " It is now obvious that ... " Here he paused, and then excused himself and left the room. Twenty minutes later he returned, and repeated triumphantly, " It is now obvious that ... "

This anecdote has been told of several mathematicians - so there must be some deeper truth in it !

เมื่อวานนี้ ผมได้หนังสือมาเล่มหนึ่งที่ร้าน border แถว orchard สิงคโปร์ ชื่อหนังสือคือ Prime Obsession: Bernhard Riemann and the Greatest Unsolved Problem in Mathematics มีเขียนถึง joke เรื่องนี้ไว้เช่นกัน นัยว่า นักคณิตศาสตร์ชอบแสดงผลลัพธ์สุดท้ายเป็นหลัก และละเว้นเรื่องหยุมหยิม หรือเรื่องที่ต้องใช้แรงงาน ใช้เวลานานหลายชั่วโมงในการตรวจสอบ แต่เวลาเขียนในบทพิสูจน์ มักจะขึ้นต้นด้วยประโยค "เห็นได้ชัดว่า..." ซึ่งไม่เป็นความจริงสักเท่าไร และเรื่องราวของ G.H. Hardy ใน joke อันนี้ก็ถูกเล่าออกมาว่า ตอนที่ G.H. Hardy ขึ้นต้นประโยคดังกล่าวครั้งแรกนั้น สีหน้าไร้อารมณ์ คงจะผิดหวังที่มันไม่เป็นอย่างที่พูด แต่หลังจากออกไปคิดนอกห้องบรรยายสัก 20 นาที ก็เดินอมยิ้มเข้ามาอย่างอารมณ์ดีเลย พร้อมกับ พูดต่อจากเดิม "เห็นได้ชัดว่า..." (มันชัดตรงไหนหว่า )



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